in the middle of the year, i spent my school holidays in Ipoh, shooting a movie. i left my friends and family behind. except for Kak Nani who was acting in the film with me. well, when i was there, so many things happened back home. the holidays started off almost perfect as they said. waking up at a friends house with a laugh. well, i didnt experience that. in Ipoh i was having my own fun with Kak Nani, Aunty Min and Brian. Being the only kid there, i did feel kind of lonely but still, it was fun. and definitely tiring. in the beginning i felt kind of sad. not going to have a normal holiday normally sucks, kan ? well, the middle was so much fun, we ate at the best places and hung out on our hotel balcony talking about movies and music.

but the last few days were filled with heartaches. i was so tired. in one night i cried for Yana, i cried for Eddy, and for Kak Nani. then the next day i cried for the last scene of the shoot. remembering everything, i just couldnt stop. even after we were finished, i was still sobbing. i think i made everyone on the set cry too. i'm not being perasan but they all told me that. at the end of it, i was so tired, i fell to the floor. Kak Nani came to me, scared. but i just looked at her smiling. i don't think i've ever hugged her for that long.

that was a monday, i think. so while my friends went back to school, hugging everyone they missed over the holidays, i hugged the people i knew i was going to miss. they who took care of me with such care. them who made me laugh when i was down. and those who became my friends when i didnt have any.

i remember listening to my iPod in the van, staring out the window, i thought of how it would be like when i got home. in a way i didnt want to go home. i just wanted to go back to the hotel balcony and listen to my iPod. knowing that when i get home, i'l be even more hurt. eventually i fell asleep. and when i woke up i saw my padang and i just stared at it. thinking, great.



'remembering sunday,
he falls to his knees.
they had breakfast together,
but two eggs don't last,
like the feelings of what he needs.'