Your Personal

Addict ?
Monday, November 30, 2009

dude, you have no idea how badly i want curly fries right now, i mean, i'd kiss the person who got me curly fries, at this very moment. i have no idea why, i just want some curly fries. nothing else. food seems dull without my curly fries.

i bet i sound fucking awkward. but then again since when did i care. *rubs tummy* lapar ! haih, maybe i should just make myself a batch of hummos, yes, that is very arab. so what ?

i didn't go out the whole day. tomorrow got tuition, i haven't gone for the last two classes, so i'm basically retarded. nevermind, shall ATTEMPT to catch up, after all, i am gonna have to go through SPM next year.

oh yeah, to the chatbox people, bite me, losers.


i can't stop thinking of what is to happen. just woke up so my mind is buzzing uncontrollably. Mak doesn't want me sleeping like this, but i can't help it. i feel scarily alone. as if no one can touch me. i miss my bestie, Si Pawan tu. but she's at her camp thingie. oh my god, i haven't seen her since when lah.

i wanna take pictures. i miss taking pictures, obviously. i think i might go around taking pictures of the various christmas decorations. oooh, that does sound like fun.

my king is coming to me in a bit. hope he's not too angry.

man, i am so hungry,

I Warned You
Sunday, November 29, 2009

i'm cruel,
complicated more than anything,
trouble seems to follow me like a shadow,
i have mood swings,
and sometimes,
well actually, most of the time,
i wouldn't give a shit.

i'm troublesome,
i eat a lot,
i talk a lot,
i have an ego,
most probably bigger than yours,
i don't open up,
i hate lame jokes,
and i'm never nice.

i'm sorry

Something Dark


My Favorite Highway

We've all got scars as big as ours
A token for the pain we hide inside of us
Everyone's scared that somebody knows
You keep it inside, yeah, that's how it goes
If you've ever heard a beating heart
A rhythm for the songs we're too afraid to sing
Nobody here is perfectly fine
A delicate frame, a fragile design

If there's a hole in your heart
You gotta pull it together
It takes the courage to start
But now is better than never
It takes a push and a shove
Somehow it's never enough
And it's alarming how quick you could forget that

Nothing's bigger than love
Nothing's bigger than love
Nothing's bigger than love
All you need, all you need is love

Some people change and some just won't
You can't take back the words you wish you'd never said
Promises break and lovers will lie
You hold up your hands and let out a sigh
So smile right before you fall
And lay beside this mess and call it consequence
Somebody said that life isn't fair
When somebody else was saying a prayer

No one's taking me out
Nothing's pulling me down
I turn my head to the crowd
This love is big and it's loud

This is the car in the crash
This is the light in the flash
This is the answers you know
But you're just too scared ask

If there's a hole your heart
You gotta pull it together
It takes the courage to start
But now is better than never
It takes a push and a shove
Somehow it's never enough

Take A Walk With Me

i took a break from my life last night, and it felt real good, it was better than good, it was what i needed. i just had fun, i didn't care about anybody else, i didn't care about what was going to happen, i cared about then and there, no worries, i didn't take any kind of narcotics. i had a midnight snack and i watched tv, i did all these, without any worries, cause i didn't need them.

what a dream you were
you held me tight and warm
in your arms, i felt smaller than ever
was it really you ?
in my dreams, it was you
my legs were cold
but you couldn't stand the heat
we kissed more than anything
i remember watching you dance
but it wasn't all that clear
you played guitar and i sang
it was over faster than ever
a whole nights dream
to waste
so call, call
and i'll come running

Hello There
Saturday, November 28, 2009

i'm your vampire,
and i've come to suck only your blood

i can't sleep, 6 in the morning, and it'll be another hour till i'll be able to fall asleep. now i only can sleep when the sun comes up, it's been like that for a while actually, since before me finals. it's tiring as shit.

what's funny is that i'll be up the whole night, and as tired as i am, i won't be able to sleep but the moment the sun rises, i drop dead. funny huh ?

i get these weird dreams too.

It Used To Be Six
Friday, November 27, 2009


Lower Than Low
Thursday, November 26, 2009

it's getting worse. this depression seems to grow stronger every time you disappear. all i really want to do is hang out. we can laugh and fight, just hang out lah jom. but so much is going on. i'm so worried. and you go do all that. i'm tired and i don't think i can do this.

this thing makes me mean to my friends. i'm sorry. i scare them too, saying imma hurt myself and all. i don't plan on it. i just feel like i really need to do it. maybe broken glass will help.

oh and i'm not emo, emo is me cutting your face if you call me that.

I Do
Wednesday, November 25, 2009


Don't You Dare

Please, please,
don't you dare go
you promised
you said
you'd keep me safe
now everything hurts
and i don't know what to say
don't you dare just leave
don't leave me here
to ponder the fact
is this serious ?
are you serious ?
don't make me cry
just take me away
let's fly

I Hate You

people like you are the reason why Malaysia is looked down upon. how old are you ? and you pretend to be all big by beating younger kids up. don't give me that bullshit. i would literally cut your dick off, if you had one that is lah.

i can't wait till you're much older and still doing the same bullshit you are now. aren't you fucking lucky, you piece of shit.

i don't hate anybody, but malay men like you, naturally own my hate. next time you hurt anybody i know, or touch anybody i love, i will look for you. i can't hurt you, but i know a couple of people who might be able to.

oh and, trust me, you should be afraid.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

be there for me.


hahah thanks Hachi. shall be spending my nights alone and in my room, reading. i watched it on youtube. just type in "nana2" and you'll find it. i can imagine it being sad. i can't even think about it. imma start crying !

Dee !
Monday, November 23, 2009

that's soooo sad. where did you go to read em ? i wanna too !

and Joanne, yeah we do. since form 2. :P

Sunday, November 22, 2009



i used to collect flowers. and when they wilted i'd dry them and keep em. but now, i've got no place to keep them. but it's nice just to have them in my memories. Mak would go to the pasar malam and the only thing i asked for was for flowers. they just made my day.

it used to make my heart leap. now i don't get em so often. but they still make my day. be it a stem or a whole bouquet. i love just getting them.

so thanks honey.

Remember ?

i watched this last night. oh man, did it bring back memories. it's a real cool movie. they changed a couple of the actors but it's fine. i still had fun watching it.


it's not out yet. it'll be out after the movie shows in Malaysia i guess.

don't you ? besides, you have no idea how i giggle. :P now stop trying too hard. thanks.

haha i know right ! lucky gila babi dapat that gambar.

Gomen ( Sorry )

i read your messages. i'm sorry. you wouldn't be the first guy i did this too. i just naturally layan men. i'm sorry if i brought you on a second track. i didn't mean to. i was just being nice. i must admit you're cute and fun. i have so much fun during our chats.

but i warned you, sayang. i'm extremely complicated. but you know what ? some say, we're the perfect match. a leo and a libra. so maybe someday in the future ? i'm just real confused with my feelings right now and that guy i told you about.

Anywhere But Here
Saturday, November 21, 2009

wow, it's 6.42 and i'm officially effed. my whole body is just tired. woke up at 6.30 when Mahesh called. abangku bermasalah. oh wells. i slept at 7.30 last night. just couldn't sleep. me and Yana skyped since i was in Mak's room and she in Kak Nani's. until about 7. then i tossed and turned for half an hour and finally went to sleep.

Mak woke me up at 2 to take my meds, but i thought since it was such a nice Saturday, i wouldn't give an eff and i went back to sleep. had the weirdest of dreams, as usual.

checked my facebook and he messaged me asking me how i was *giggles*. i don't like him, it just feels good to have someone who wants to take care of you.

i want my girls ! jesus, i'm just so lifeless without em. i miss them so much lah ! Pei Wen more cause i haven't seen the bitch for how long. Vee, don't want jealous, i miss you too. i wonder what they'll be doing tomorrow ? *evil laughs*

you know what i wanna do ? of course not, but imma tell you anyways.
i wanna go far far away. okay, maybe not far, FAR away, just as far as i can go. Penang sounds like fun en ? or maybe Genting ? oooh, i haven't been there since i was a lil kid. now the question is, my parents. depa bagi tak ?

i might be able to go to London. all i need is the money. so yeah. cause Kak Nani will be there with Gavin, i can go in January or something. i really wanna go ! hmmph. i guess i don't really care about the place, just anywhere but here.

"Secret love,
my escape,
take me far far away,
secret love,
are you there ?
will you answer my prayer ?"

So How ?
Friday, November 20, 2009

He loves me
He likes me
He forgot me
He misses me
He doesn't know

Forever ? Never !


Give Me

Automatic Loveletter

i woke up at six in the evening just now. man, i am messed up. it's the medicine. i have approximately 6 kinds of medicine to take, inhale and apply. wow, what a couple of days. my head hurrrts. and the pain doesn't seem to go away. ugghhh help ?

Khairy was real worried when i told him on facebook tadi. sooo sweet. i had to tell him over and over again that i was fine and he needn't worry. but man was he serious. he has asthma too ! coolst

hopefully tomorrow i can go out, i haven't been out for so long. i feel my body deteriorating. i hate it when this happens. mesti nanti when i get back to safa, all the anes will be wondering where i went. and irritate me by asking me over and over again.

i like you. do you love me ? tell me the truth :P

Across Five Aprils

Complete and total adoration,
My gift to you, my heart was yours,
In ten weeks you shaped it,
In one night you murdered it.
Torn from my chest and laid at your feet,
That first step you took was the worst.
Since then you've walked a thousand miles in solace and short remark,
And I still have these memories,
But we'll never see what we could have been.
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember, cause that's all you can do.
We'll never make another memory,
We'll never make another memory.
I wish I'd have died in your arms the last time we were together,
So I wouldn't have to wake without you today.
This time I thought things were real,
You said they were,
What happened?
You were a priority,
Was I an option?
I let you see a side of me that I don't share with anyone.
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.
Knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,
I'm sorry that it wasn't enough.
So, we'll go our own ways,
And hopefully you'll remember the things I've told you,
Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said was in sincerity.
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this,
But I guess I've learned from it.
But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes?
I don't consider this a mistake,
I just wish the story didn't end this way,
Cause I'm still in love with the person who helped me write it.
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?

my head hurts.

Love Story
Thursday, November 19, 2009

no, this isn't a rip off of Taylor Swift's oh-so-annoying-yet-fabulous song.

this is just me wondering, why is it people tend to want their love stories to end up in the books of world's most famous love stories. i mean, if you really feel for that person, why bother with who knows and how famous it is. so many compare their love to famous stories, not really understanding it.

i guess it's cool to have something in common with someone you look up to. i love love stories. tragic or not. i don't care. i read a love letter from Voltaire, one of the world's most famous philosophers. he spoke of his lady as if she was his queen. i'm a sucker for sweet stories, i know. but you gotta admit, that is sweet. apparently, Voltaire was always imprisoned for his ideas and thoughts. but he never abandoned his love. he and his love shared their lives traveling and just talking about the weirdest things. cool right ?

you know, there really isn't a point to this post.

but to tell the truth, i have a love story of my own, that i think is pretty damn cool. shhh, of course i won't tell you.


look what i made !
click here

see you faggots !

Mine !

was this a bad idea ?
prove me wrong
please ?
for me ?


Attack !

Lee came over today, cause we both didn't wanna go out to One Utama, and i had a slight fever. so we hung around for a bit but then my asthma got worse and Kak Leya brought me to the hospital. thank god Yana was awake, so at least someone took care of him. but it was fun, lama gila babi dah i tak lepak with my "best fwen" !

so at the hospital, they gave me this medicine that made me shake all over. i literally found it hard just to hold onto my book. so i shook and shook and slept all over the place. i think i almost passed out how many times, due to the lack of oxygen into my lungs. i had to walk all over the place, my heartbeat was so fast and i couldn't even calm down.

imma sleep in my parents' room tonight, Mak doesn't want me around the constant smoke area.

tak sempat i nak call. call me tomorrow, if you want. you know, you're so mean. i know, i'm mean too. but i'm just tired and restless waiting around for someone like you.

honey ! baby shick. hmmmph

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

if you think that is ugly, i'd hate to see what YOU look like.
or maybe that's why you don't tell people your real name
and wear real bad make-up

Sing To Me, I Need To Sleep

tujhe yaad na meri aayi
kisi se ab kya kehna
dil roya ki ankh bhar aayee
kisi se ab kya kehna

Play With Me


Hello There ?

look what i found among the shit in my extremely fabulous room.

kiss this


so smile,
though your heart is aching,
eventhough it's breaking,

smile and maybe tomorrow,
you'll see the sun shining through
for you.

-Charlie Chaplin

Just Another GIG
Tuesday, November 17, 2009

hello my precious losers,

well, since i'm bored and nothing seems to going well. i'm going to vent and organise a gig. effing awesome right ? this would be the third thing i'm organising. i'm helping out Mukhlis and all, cause they were thinking of doing one but they needed somebody with experience. *keningkening*

DETAILS !*girls shrill scream*
Place : Bandar Sri Damansara Club
Time : 6pm - 12am
Date : December 19th
Ticket price : RM 15 per person
: RM 10 per band

and if the band brings 10 people or more, we'll pay them back the RM10. awesome, no ?

this isn't a Battle, it's a GIG. come and enjoy the music, mosh, don't mosh, i don't mind, just have fun. anybody interested in performing or attending, please let me know. we won't be having auditions. and all genres are accepted, even acoustic.


let's just have some fun with it ? tak mau gaduh-gaduh.


to cowardly person ( * ),
i'm about to find you and kick your ass if you say anything more about my baby. kalau dah jealous, mengaku je lah. my baby sister is pretty and fun and so many love her. whilst you stay in your room pretending to be big by passing judgment on others. besides, kalau nak kutuk tu, get your english right. you think my sister tak malu ? engkau yang tak malu. tak sedar diri. so kthxbai.

to stalker,
thank you. either you're sweet or just fucking around. either way, i'm amused. and i'm not about ready to call a number i have no idea who it belongs to. thanks.

Go ?


Best Friends
Monday, November 16, 2009

hello magic
i see the tear
in your eye
don't try to hide it
just let it out
and cry
come here
i'll give you a hug
i'll try
to wash the blood away
and stitch your scars
we're teenagers
don't worry
one day
we'll finally admit it
my heart crumbles
when watching you weep
so come running
and i'll run too
we'll run away one day
we'll move apart one day
but no worries
we'll keep a book
of our very memories
we'll call it
whatever we want
we'll write whatever we want
our last fight together
comes extremely soon
but i'll be glad
that i'll have your hands to hold

for me buddies
Vee, Pei Wen, Lee, Harith, Joey, Sheryll, Deedee, Choo, Tana, Ariff

Come Find Me
Sunday, November 15, 2009

"ho gaya hai tujhko to pyaar sajna"

and so they say, if you wish upon a star, your wish comes true. so this is me, standing outside my house, waiting for a star to fall so i can wish on it, so i'll be happy. for me and for you, whoever you are.

Dressing Up

"cause i love love,
i look good in love,
cause i found love,
i look cute in love."

Ku Mahu Kau Tahu


Looking Like Shit
Saturday, November 14, 2009

i can't stop laughing at you're very face. the idea of you thinking that is how to look good. i mean, come on sayang. i feel real bad for saying this but you need a class or two on "How Not To Look Like A Complete Tart." even my parents didn't know how to react. Mak tried so hard not to laugh at you.

if you want to impress him, do it properly. thanks.

True ?

Dogs howled !

Cats fought !

Birds fell down from the sky !

and the winds howled angrily.

sorry guys,
Leysha's home

Kiss Me Already
Tuesday, November 10, 2009


Only Four Days
Monday, November 9, 2009

so here i am, sitting on my mattress thingie, waiting for Kak Nani to wake up. i have officially called her for the tenth time and just as the other ten times. she opened her eyes, looked at me and slowly went back to sleep. Yana just got back from school and is already out cold next to me. so here i go. tomorrow i'm off, to where you may ask, i'm off to


i can't wait. my flights at two. i have a feeling my friends won't miss me that much. they have stuff to do. and now they're happy, i'm happy. besides, it's only four days. we'll have time there to walk around the city and stuff but we're also up for a lot of formal stuff. ada budak comel tak ? HEE

so i wonder, will you be there when i'm back ? pick me up and swing me around just to show me how much you missed me.

i'll miss you guys. tons of hugs ! and to me loyal readers, i'll see y'all real soon.


and these words
they hold on tight
to my lips
my tongue twists
it turns
trying to speak
but it holds on
too tight
i'm a bad girl
for breaking his heart
and now
i'm free falling


these were edited to look more cliche. if any of you want more pics from the Overdose Gig, please let me know. i'm having trouble uploading em anywhere.

Extra Salty

my weekend was interesting. it was fun and interesting.

on Saturday we headed down to the TTDI community hall where the Overdose Gig was being held. i took sooooo many pictures of the bands i knew of. and it was so awesome. i have got some awesome pics. shall upload soon enough. there were some bands that sucked ass hardcore but nak buat macam mana la kan ? HEE

oh yeah, Grow Up! Godzilla won. they were, in my opinion, the best. all in all we had fun. Lee thinks he has the power to control women and the rest think they're pretty hot mess.

on Sunday we brought Harith to Curve for his "surprise" birthday party. it was fun. so many people came and helped make it a whole lot better. we watched Jennifer's Body which was AWESOME. she looked so much hotter as a demon.

the storyline was something regular but the dialogue was one of the best. i aspire to maybe be able to write some what like Diablo Cody. i mean, her humour, but obviously with my own style in it.

after the movie, we went to see Eden perform and it was fun. we stuck around for a couple of other bands and then headed off to TGIF's where Lee and I ate a brownie for dinner. yes, you read correctly. a brownie.

to sum it all up, i had an awesome weekend. and you guys can suck it !

A Challenge ?
Sunday, November 8, 2009


Lock And Key

somebody come
help me see
is this me ?
is it wrong to be ?
in love
and or forgotten
so lying doesn't help
telling the truth
never did either
so lock and key
i need you
to forget about me
my laughter is sad
and my sadness
is the worst
to be had
so goodnight
my sweet prince
let go off this hand
and fall
out of love
with ME

Don't Say It
Friday, November 6, 2009

no more. don't say it to me. i don't want to hear it. please, please, just don't say it. just don't think about it. i can't take it anymore. don't ! just don't. i am literally begging you. if you did or was planning to, forget about it. i don't wanna hear it. try and do it and i'll close my ears and do a little dance. i just don't wanna have to go through the bloody drama over and over again. so just stop.

stop saying you love me.
once and for all.

Breakdown Before Breakfast

you guys are going to rock !
good luck guys.
i'll be screaming my head off for you guys.
love you fuckers.

Stoned Hard

"Day and night,
the lonely stoner seems to
free his mind at night"

why is it nowadays, almost every conversation i have with a friend has to do something with them getting high stupid and doing stupid things. i guess it's the in thing. but they better not start taking drugs or imma whoop some ass !

the Overdose Gig is tomorrow. Breakdown Before Breakfast, Grow Up! Godzilla and Guarding Helleya are performing. so if you;re interested head on down to the TTDI community hall around 6. i can't wait to see the performances. i met another band the other day, Queens of ABCD. they were cute. they have only played with each other for two weeks. intense.

i made a shirt for the boys. going to make another one tonight. just in case anybody wants one or something. i should maybe start to sell these things. hmm, i'll think about it.

Love Me, Soulmate
Wednesday, November 4, 2009

"love is too young to know what conscience is."
-William Shakespeare

"a man can be happy with a woman as long as he does not love her."
"they spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever."
-Oscar Wilde

are you unattainable ?
i think not.
so will i write a letter for you
you, who i'm not sure of.
this heart it beats,
beats for only you.
you are my darkness,
will you understand ?
they do not,
so forgive me for asking.
i hear the thoughts,
i do not see the man.
i feel the warmth,
i do not see the body.
come, rescue me,
and i will definitely,
rescue you.

"i like the word 'soul' and i like the word 'mate'. other than that, you got me."
-Sex and the City

Just Maybe


Damn, Yous A Sexy Bitch
Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Exams are finally over ! fuck yeah ! kiss it !

esok wa mau cali kerja. hee. i'mma go look for a job tomorrow. hopefully Rock Corner or at one of those tiny ass stores. i just want some kind of responsibility. life can get pretty boring when all you're doing is have fun.

i finally got to go to CHARMs. it was so much fun. i missed it terribly. thank god exams are over, hello life. i haven't flown in quite some time so need more practice. my abs and biceps are coming back. so byebye, assholes.

time to bathe now. fuck you, thanks.

Monday, November 2, 2009

got a secret
can you keep it ?
swear this one you'll save ?

better lock it in your pocket
taking this one to the grave

cause two can keep a secret
if one of them is dead

Highlight This

i got bored in tuition. pretty huh ?

went to mcd's just now with Pawan. studied add math. i just realised how easy add math gets the more you practice it. of course i don't have that kind of time. so we ate and shit.

Pawan's dad picked us up, with a TAXI. it was so cute. Pawan and i could not stop laughing. it was just so cute.

okay, time to sleep. nights

You Could Crush Me, Please Don't Crush Me
Sunday, November 1, 2009

i was walking around alot at the AAR concert. i wanted to get in front to the interesting crowd and jump and shit. but it was too crowded. so i just jumped in place when possible. Disagree played their Suicide Note and i just sang along and enjoyed the music. the bands were fun.

we finally settled in time for AAR. then they played their song, When The Wind Blows and Vee tapped me on the shoulder and told me it was my song. and i smiled, pondering the fact.

there were so many couples there. arms around each other, looking cute as ever.

and after listening to all their songs, i realised something. i turned around and told Vee what was in my head. and i turned back around just in time to see Lee run into Vee. Naleena !

"i think i'm in love with the biggest asshole in the world."

i wonder what happened to everything. it just started falling apart. i remember everything of course. and not about ready to forget. Eddy still wants to talk to me, apparently. does not look like it ! mak hugged him yesterday. i fell over almost puking. ughh. why lah ?

"look at Eddy and his dogs."

yeah, they're getting a little too loud. and when i see them i literally see Yana. or at least them trying to be like Yana. i was at safa when they were there. oh my god. the noise they made. even the ane mamak was pissed off. i mean, since when was unnecessary screaming ever appealing ? try too hard much ?

of course i'm still nice to them. i just won't layan them. i mean, look at what they did to my baby. i know i'm loud but with perfectly good reason and good timing.

now the idiot is calling me up, high, and asking dumbass questions. weird.


  • The Blogger.

  • Lollipops

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