Your Personal

This Be Just Like The Present, To Be Showing Up Like This
Monday, December 30, 2013

Quickly another year has gone by again but the difference this time is that I've never felt this kind of sadness before. I don't want to feel this sadness, I want to be hopeful about the future.

But the future scares me so.

This year has been filled with so many painful moments but also with so many highs. I've cried my eyes out this year and I've laughed way too much. I finished college this year, I got a job and was able to meet so many people and make so many connections. My hearts swells when I think of the people who have brightened up this year for me.

But I still wanna cry.

Because this year has been so beautiful for me. I got to make my first short film, I got to go to five raves and so many other events. I got to work with people I really looked up to and honestly, this year, I finally started growing up. I started to forgive myself. I started to look on the brighter side of things. I started to even be critical of my work. I even started fighting the battles I should have so long ago.

And now, I'm just so scared.

I'm scared of next year because next year brings forth a whole new kind of adventure. It'll have me leave my beloved country and family. It'll see me fending for myself. It will bring more pain for me and even more tears but I'm not quite sure there'll be as great a feeling as this at the end of next year.

I've never felt like this before at any New Years. I feel scared. Scared to lose my childhood. Scared to lose the things I held so dear for years. So scared of where it will bring me in the future. People always tell you about being 21 but they never tell you about being 20 when you're still learning. When you have to come to grips with the pains of living. When you have to finally be the adult in certain situations. When you start realising that as you grow older, so does everyone else.

Happy New Years. Thank you, 2013. You were very important. When I'm so much older, I will look back at you and be able to smile at all the memories, at all the thoughts. I'll compare the differences in myself and everybody else. I'll look back and thank you for giving me a good to be a twenty year old. I loved you, truly.

  • The Blogger.

  • Lollipops

    I like telling stories.

  • History

  • June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 January 2008 March 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 August 2011 September 2011 December 2011 January 2012 April 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 June 2013 October 2013 December 2013 June 2014

  • Loves.

  • Yana !
    Pawan !
    Vee !
    Dee !
    Sophie !
    Raihan !
    Nigel !
    Eric !
    Jowynna !
    Melanie !
    Farieda !
    Pei Theng !
    Shana !
    Jelissa !
    Nikolai !
    Sheryll !
    Harith !
    Alisya !
    Gaya !
    Joanne !
    Fara Adilah !
    Leysha ?
    My Favourite Blog of All Time !