"Tok, you okay ?"
"Yes sayang."

i visited my grandparents at my uncle's house the other day. family drama, of course. we were hanging out in my grandparents room, just sitting around, gossiping. throughout all that, my granddad just sat on the bed, looking morose. only a few weeks ago he had a slight heart-attack. and now, he's going through his depression.
he went through it before, even before i was born. on the day i went to my uncle's house, my granddad looked so skinny and frail.
that scared me, he was always the one i cried for when i was younger. i'd run to him after my dad would beat me. he was the kindest, sweetest man i ever knew, now i have no idea who he is when i look at him. throughout the whole time at my uncle's, i just held back my tears.
i remember being a little girl, i'd run into his room, and i'd always see him in his sarong with his glasses on reading the Quran. and when i was bored, he'd teach me prayers. at night, he'd tell me silly stories of bears and of his childhood.
but now, when i look at him, i see someone else. someone who has officially given up on life. he's always had a sad face. but now, he's smile doesn't last in my head. i don't know what's going on.

"Tok, are you sad ?"
"No sayang."
"Then smile la."
and he'd give me a smile i'd never forget.