i don't want to buang my chatbox cause i wanna hear what you guys have to say. don't worry about the haters, they hate, that's all they know. i'm fine guys. but thanks for looking out for me.

i love you guys.

all i ever want from now on is a Vivienne Westwood dress.

oh my god you people 'annoys' me. what's your problem jackass ? can't get what you want gotta fuck everything else up ? being rude doesn't mean you're strong, it just means you're a loser who can't let go of anything. dude, i'll always try to be nice to you, but, like i said,

"if you ever fuck around with my family, your ass is mine. "

if you want something, ask nicely. if you can't get it, deal with it. i'm fine with everybody else, cause they're just mindlessly kissing your arse. but if my sister is ever unhappy, and i know it's because of you, you will regret it.

don't you dare threaten my family. if you break Kak Leya's car window, i'll break your face and all the immature girls in the world will cry and mourn. sure your pretty but sorry to say dude, your not very memorable. i can't wait for you to get another girlfriend and you'll tell her all the shit i did to you. wait, what shit ? oh well, you'll probably make up stories and i really hope it floats your boat.

dude, i'll forever remember our great memories, cause thats just me. but you can mope around all you want. call me names all you want, cause thats about the only thing you can do.

i slept in your ManU jersey. cause i felt like it. oh no, you going to burn that too ?

Scene 1- Creepy...Scene2- Peek-A-Boo

Scene3- Dreamland !
Scene 4- Family FeudScene 5- What Happens in the KitchenScene 6- I Scare You
Scene 7- What You Find In Your Closet
Scene 8- Honey, I'm Home

then of course, shopping. bought stuff for mum and amazing tops ! from Nichii and MNG. they're so pretty. we brought Lee to Debenhams where i found this killer jacket that makes Lee actually look hot enough to eat. then Vee brought Lee to Padini where, there they found another jacket which also makes Lee too good to be true.







we went home by bus, Lee's first *awww* . went to add maths tuition which i might add was fucking hilarious. met Pei Wen there and of course brought the house down with our laughter. everybody in class was just staring. but hey, we're hot that way.

after tuition, hung out at safa with Vee, Lee, Pei Wen, Sophie, Joey, Shahrul and Mr. Pang. now that was interesting. Mr. Pang is a genius when it comes to maths but not so much English. my riddles got everybody dumbfounded, he just gave up. he paid for EVERYTHING. he even ran up to the cashier to stop Shahrul from eating. and after that he sent Sophie, Pei Wen, Joey and i back in his *drumrolls*

it's so beautiful. he put the hood down for us. we were just screaming on the way back. i made him send me second last after Pei Wen and Sophie. Joey and i couldn't stop arguing on who was going to go first since we both lived in the same area. but fuck it. i let the boy win. he looked so happy ! Mr. Pang's going to let us borrow his car for prom ! hopefully he keeps his word ! Joey will drive there and i'll drive back. dude, i can't wait ! *claps hands excitedly*

i'm writing alot tonight. since i'm so hyper. BUT there's nobody here that can layan me. not even online ! haih.. where the fuck is a younger sister or boyfriend when you need one ? i've got so much and yet nothing to talk about. i barely have credit. oh well, i'll live.

oh ! P.s. you're not a sadist dude, just pathetic, extremely pathetic. i asked nicely. if you ever fuck around with my family, your ass is mine. and no, i'm not afraid of you. because you're weak. you hide behind a spirit. and you act so big on your BLOG. grow up dude. i'm finished with you. whatever, you wanna hold a grudge, be my guest. call me a whore you pussy. i don't care. never did, never will. cry your heart out faggot. break me lah, as if you never did it before.

i can hear your voice,
but there's so much noise,
shh, keep quiet,
please, i'm tired,
now i see you,
i see right through you,
i'm sorry if i scare you,
but that's what i do,
come, sit,
tell me your stories,
show me your tricks,
i'll listen to your childhood memories,
find out your family trees,
there's so much more to this,
there's nothing i will ever miss,
i'm sorry if i say something wrong,
i'm not at all strong,
don't worry,
i like stories long,
sit closer,
listen to me sing,
don't let me fall,
help me throw away my ring,
never answer my call,
i'll run away,
but before that,
i'll hug my legs,
while you tell me everything.

so, i finally gave him what he wanted. gave him a little scare as well. it wasn't mean but it felt good. he's such a faggot and people can still kesian him. but whatever dude, i gave him back whatever he wanted. maybe i should give the ring back as well, since he's such a dickweed.

hung out at Coffee Hut tadi, with Kak Leya, Kak Nani and Englishman. we just talked about stupid things. now that i'm older, i feel alot closer to my older sisters. probably cause i can actually have a proper conversation with them. Jackass suddenly, and might i add, randomly called me a whore on MSN. i was practically laughing at what he was saying. as if he had the balls to say it to my face. the faggot.

Kak Leya read what he said to me on MSN. him calling me a whore and how much he wants the shoes back. so she just told me that he's not worth it. so after finishing our drinks, she helped me send the shoes back. of course Kak Nani, Yana and Englishman followed. they were so excited. but he wasn't at home so i just left em outside his house.

Englishman : Should i put my game face on ?

honestly now i don't care about the shoes. he might be rude and unappreciative but i'm a bitch. and he's got nothing on me. so much for the whole "i want you back" and the "i'll wait for you" crap. and thank god lah. i'm so over MELAYU men. they can kiss mine.

i couldn't avoid telling mum. after telling her, she was so angry she wanted to call his mum, as if that would help. then she wanted to send him "a really nasty message". i love my mum, but the drama, is palpable. there's a reason why i don't tell my family anything that happens to me. cause i know exactly how they'll handle it. so not telling them anything is a safe bet.

Yana : I am so not as dramatic as mama okay.

first terawikh this year, and it felt good. i was thinking about Mak alot. how she looked the last time i saw her. what we used to talk about. man, i miss her. and it doesn't get easier. whatever they say about it getting easier, they're lying.

i also thought about Daddy. i hear he's doing pretty bad. i wanted to see him but he was sick.

i don't care what anybody says. i love Ramadhan. it's the one month i feel secure. going to terawikh, buka puasa with friends, fasting on all your bad habits. it sounds bad but it feels so good.

So hanging out at Safa. I guess not everyone knows i broke up with Mat Saleh and it's kind of funny when everybody else is so unhappy when i couldn't be happier. Pei Theng asked me about how i'm feeling since the break-ups. and all i could say (with a smile) was i'm doing good. i'm in a bad place now but it's not because of my love life.

i have no idea how i got over a three year relationship so fast. He's been pestering me to get back together. before, i'd jump at the thought, now all i do is shrink because a destructive relationship is the last thing i need. of course i got over Mat Saleh, i mean, come on ! it was what ? less than two weeks ? Nikolai called telling me he saw Mat Saleh when he was out with some friends and my immediate reaction was "and ?". that naturally shocked him.

Scene 1
Lee : *on the phone with Nikolai* he says he saw Mat Saleh at hartamas with another girl.
Me : and ?
Lee : they're holding hands.
Me : Okay. tell Nikolai we broke up.
Lee : and there's a guy ?
Vee, Lee and I : HAHAHAHA !

Scene 2
Pei Theng : What happened between you and Eddy ?
Leysha : We broke up ?
Pei Theng : Yeah, but it was kind of fast.
Leysha : There were so many problems.
Pei Theng : So how are you, emotionally ?
Leysha : Good *smiles*
Pei Theng : What ?
Leysha : Yeah, i have this thing. I tend to get over men real easily.
Pei Theng : Oh my god ! Give me some of that !
Leysha : HAHAH i'm sorry la.
Pei Theng : *screams*Gimme some !

Scene 3
Me : I'm such a bitch. i should be crying when i break up.
Vee : That's why you're so powerful. You're nothing. You're too strong to be a man and too emotionless to be a woman.
Me : Yea right la !

Labels: secretzen

kinda guessed it wouldn't work out. but i'm not sad and i don't think he is either. it was fun. long enough to get to know each other, short enough to not get hurt. i think.

and now i have to get ready for the WHORE and SLUT name callings cause i'm no longer with Mat Saleh, but hey, it was mutual. i have a little bit too much going on in my life and having a boyfriend does not help. especially one whom i barely see.

but for what it's worth, i had fun. he saved me in a way.

but now it's time to have some fun with life, all this drama shouldn't happen for no bloody reason.

kisses losers !

i just came back from my grandmother's tahlil. it's been a hundred days since her death and it hasn't gotten that much easier. but the life and love of my extended family is amazing. my aunties are always so caring. i have Mak's tahlil tonight and i know that's not going to be easy. but hey, i'll make it work. i always do.

My name is Leysha, and my life is the biggest soap opera ever created.

i can't tell you much when it comes to family. only the fact that i haven't smiled since i got home. this happens quite frequently nowadays. maybe it's the fights. maybe it's the way i feel like i'm officially the biggest burden to my parents. i'm falling apart at the seams. and i have no way of telling them anything. they're going through enough already, no need to add to the pressure, right ?

apparently, i've changed alot, since i broke up with Eddy but got with Mat Saleh soon after. it's not like i sengaja. i broke up with Eddy because he disrespected my family and me. i can't possibly take that. when you do that i can honestly lose all feeling for the person. so i'm sorry. besides, we were fighting so much, it didn't even make sense. we just didn't agree on anything anymore. so i broke up with him.

Mat Saleh just appeared out of nowhere and caught me from my fall. he made me laugh and smile. we talked easily. it's not like i'm going to marry him. i'm 16, let me be. call me a whore or whatever lah. just do it to my face, cause it's real irritating with all this "anonymous" bullshit.

what's the problem anyways ? he's leaving. faham ? he's leaving ! dia nanti blah jugak kan ?! i don't love him. at least, i don't think so. with all my feelings being so 'all over the place'. mais je l'aime. thanks to him, i have learned how to use the google translater. can't you see ? he's leaving. i won't get to hug him anymore let alone kiss him.

but, even if i wasn't with him, i'd still stay far away from Eddy. i don't need another disease in my body. he's hurt me enough. he's got a new girl now. and i pray he treats her so much better than how he treated me. i don't regret anything. and i know i don't want to forget what we had. but i am over him.

please don't pretend you know me. don't give me any advice unless you know the whole story. i don't just take advice from random people. that's just not how i work. i do thank you for your concern though.

ne tombez pas amoureux de moi

what's wrong baby girl ?

"Night Sayang"

i had so much fun. ooh butterflies ? i'm a good kisser, huh ? Mat Saleh, are you sure ? aren't you afraid of that "word" ?

man, i love being around him. what else can i say ?

Lee is officially my closest guy friend. since Choo is too busy with Si Eddy. and i haven't seen the other boys since god knows when. i still miss Pei Wen and Vee. man, i haven't talked to them in how long.

i think i know what i'm going to do when i grow older, other than being an absolutely fabulous model *pause for reaction* i'm going to start my own bakery bitches. hopefully i can go and learn in those prestigious places like France or London. Kak Leya DEFINITELY loves that idea. i'm already the one in the family that bakes. i already know how the shop is going to look like. i'm getting excited just thinking about it.

can i plan my future now ? haih, i can't wait to grow up but i actually can, makes any sense ah ? oh, and i just realised that when i message, i sometimes sound absolutely "mooncake" as Mahesh would say. with my ah's and lah's.

i met Nikolai's girlfriend on Friday. she's so effing awesome man. plus, hot. Nikolai is bloody lucky. she's 16 and burmese.

god, this post is so bloody random.

9th August 3.45 a.m. (just wanted to make it look interesting)

i have no idea what to name this post.

and right now, i'm sitting in front of Yana's laptop, i know i know, it's Yana's. well i'm siting in front of Yana's laptop watching the oh so fabulous 'Sex and the City'. my hair's still wet from the shower, and i'm only in my underwear, writing on my blog. you have no idea how much like Carrie Bradshaw i feel. i've been on Facebook constantly checking up on Vee and Pei Wen's page. god, i miss my girls. i miss our girl talk, i have a couple of topics which are way overdue.

Mat Saleh makes me feel so good on the inside. i love just talking to him. even kissing feels exciting. but he's leaving soon. which in other words mean, i have absolutely no idea what i'm doing right now, but it sure as hell feels good. sometimes i have no idea what he sees in me. my friends like him. it's so cute when he doesn't understand anything in malay. only certain words. he'll randomly speak to me in French AND Spanish. i am only human. i can't believe i have a Mat Saleh boyfriend. i normally cringe at the sight of them.

Eddy gave back all the stuff i ever gave to him yesterday. not ALL lah but quite a number. including the RM300 Iron Maiden shoes. Kak Leya wants em' so if she fits em' she'll get it, if not, i'll just give it to fatso. i'll probably just sell the shirts off or something. at least i'll get a profit. but he did give something back that i didn't think he would. i hear he's real angry at me. for moving on so fast, for forgetting him so fast. and i mean, would you blame me ? i have gone through a little too much with that boy. hey Eddy, i'm sorry for moving on so fast, it was the only way i know you'd finally leave me alone. but i'm not sorry for anything else. besides, you have your "favourite girls" and your guys. who knows, you might just find the girl you'll love forever.

everybody knows that Yana is the most dramatic one in our family but they don't know that i have the most dramatic life. which is exactly why i should start writing a book.

this movie is hilarious. it's not that good i must admit but it is funny as hell. i watched it with Mat Saleh, which made the experience a whole lot better. then we met up with Yana and Harith and hung out some more. i treated myself to a fabulous Roxy bag, 30% off. overall, my weekend was fun.

my party was fun. except for the exception of some losers. but yeah, i had a lo of fun. Mat Saleh came. hee, i love our conversations. pandai la dia.