nobody gets it and i'm so tired or having to explain everything to them over and over again. don't fuck around with me. i'm so unhappy and all these motherfuckers can do is smile and laugh in my face. i am genuinely pissed off. i feel so forgotten, so useless. i hate this. my depression doesn't exactly help.

they're not helping either, stressing out all the bloody time. i can't stand it. there always has to be something wrong, or we won't live. we always need to stress out all the time. for no reason pun nak. i'm just so tired.

they never help. abandoning me for all they care. what the hell do you want me to do ? i'm so tired of having to take care of their feelings. i'll tell them something and just like that, they'll forget. this isn't even right. malas lah kena layan engkau dengan segala benda. you never fucking help. susah betul for you to actually look at me when i'm talking. you're so fucking preoccupied with yourself and everybody else but me.

i wanna fall over. i wanna crawl into a deep black hole and just stay there until everybody finally leaves me alone. i can't stand this. god, my heart aches.

i'm going to go watch Muallaf tomorrow. tak kesah ah who goes with me. i'm doing it for Mak. i'm going to watch it with everybody else and see their reactions. and then i'm gonna go home.