so many bruises !


man am i tired or what. been so busy these past few weeks. had s much to do for cheer. which reminds me. i need to go call Atikah for the homework.

cheer's been killing me as well. Syameer helped us out with the music. and yes, it sounds awesome. we've got a competition this Saturday at Taylor's college lakeside campus so come on down if you're free. or you can just come cause you know we're hot. hahah poyo je lebih.

went to a photo shoot with the whole family excluding Late yesterday. it was fun. spent 6 hours in the Eastin Hotel. but we enjoyed ourselves. the photographers said i had a talent for modelling. i just needed to work on some things.

that was awkward for me.

Kak Leya has officially turned 27 on the 27th of April. we had a ton of fun at RedBox belting out oldies and even some Lady Gaga. we left curve at about one in the morning. so we were beat !

well my back hurts and i'm tired. see you freaks !

wow it's been hectic. i spent my last few school days in school helping everybody out with the Rumah Merah stuff. which was hell of a fun time.

barely got any sleep lately. earliest to sleep by 2.30 and latest by at least 4. and i barely have the time in the afternoon to catch up on some sleep so i just have to tahan until i can get another two hours of sleep.

had our Hari Sukan today. my alarm clock didn't work so i ended up late, as effing usual. helped Rumah Merah again with all the decorations and prepped the kids up for perbarisan. we got last but it was still worth it.

i got tons of pics of everybody but still not able to upload so tyeah. Amreth, Mei Wei, Ashley, Win Nie, Melody and I were like running all over the place just getting everything done. our perbarisan budak were soo cute !

went off to Mcd's for a while to eat then Yana came and we went off to school, for more than one reason *keningkening*. and we sempat hear the announcement of the Juara Sukan Tahunan.

i have so many notebooks and so many thoughts but not much time to sit down and write them out. one by one until my head completely loses feeling and thought. oh wait, that's death.

you know, it's funny, i am honestly not unhappy anymore. in fact, i feel like i'm so happy i could literally start crying at this very moment and i have no idea why. biasa lah. my heart and head have never really agreed on anything anyways.

might be going to Kak Nani's this weekend to sleepover. nak ikot ? now, that is far fetched. i miss my sisters, haven't been around home much. always either got something to do or asleep.

i sit and stare in class a lot. and today i suddenly came up with a theory.

in your life, there's always going to be someone you'll refer to as "you" in songs and everybody else after or before are just going to be the "him"s and "her"s. because in your life, you only really truly love someone with all your heart. the rest only get the leftovers. and at the end of everything, you'll hold hands with your "you" and walk towards oblivion with smiles on your faces.

i swear to god, that was extremely corny but i really mean it. and that is after all, only a theory. but i like that idea, to be with the person you were made for, forever. and i'm still counting on that.

i practically blew my mind.


hung out with so many people on Saturday but i still had so much. it was a freaggin crazy day. got up and went off to Curve to get stuff for Yana. then after a while we headed home,

was supposed to go to Desa Park City to celebrate Yana's birthday. but since it rained heavily, we ended up heading off to hartamas. 10 of us in Ajim's Avanza and another 6 of them in Rejaie's Myvi.

the rides there and back were obviously the highlights of the night. Ajim had to send everybody home and it just made us feel like total and utter shit. we left at 11 and only sampai my house at about 12.30. that was some crazy shit.

then we hung out at home until i have no idea when then we all headed up to sleep. we chatted then finally, we fell asleep. it was just so hectic.

oh and i bought Yana a stuffed dog and PlayDoh. nobody else understood the importance of PlayDoh except for Yana and I. MLIA

ahh, it's days like these that i'm slowly becoming more confident when thinking about living my life on my own. spent almost the whole day out. got the uniforms for cheer down and we even got our ribbons. they're just oh-so-pretty.

went to Pei Wen's place and slept -.- yes, i know. what a way to spend with your friends. her dad came home so i went into her room and slept while she bathed then she sent me home.

malam went out to safa with Vee, Lee and Tana. even hung out with Fatin, Dinah, Tun, Mirmir, and Syafiq. which was a ball. i forgot how much fun i had with them. we exchanged numbers so we're definitely gonna be hanging out more.

last day of the week tomorrow. this week passed by quite fast for me really. i didn't even remember some of the things i did properly. i guess it was because i was looking forward to something. to going online and seeing you there. but i guess, that's gotta stop.

i'm getting stronger now. i know i am. i haven't cried in months which normally, is a good thing for me. i didn't even cry when i found out. which was weird because i was expecting myself to. and trust me, it's not that i don't want to. it's just that i can't.

one day, i'll leave all our memories behind, but before that, i gotta make sure that we'll both be strong enough. so tell me what you want and i'll try. i'll try for you.

Labels: secretzen

there's this thing about life that makes me wanna keep going at it. even though i can fall real low, there just seems something about it that makes it worth it. i see so many people giving up and how easy it looks. but i guess, it was just me to be the one for a challenge.

there's this thing i have where i dream of a situation and over expect from almost everything. i seriously have to learn to stop doing that.

i guess we just act to how we were taught. and the person who taught me happens to be someone bitter and uninterested in your feelings. someone who sees crying as being weak and vulnerable. someone who doesn't know when to quit. someone who is never wrong and someone who you must not let down. and i'm still trying my best not to do it. not to let this person down.

but i guess, because of this person, i am stronger when looking at life. i should try to not expect so much from someone or something. but everything i do from now on, will definitely be for me. i need that for me, just me.

it's weird when you think back about all the plans you have of ending up with your friends. ending up going out on the weekends with less barriers but friends only seem to disappear to the distance, like our memories.

i spent a whole night with some of my closest friends and i knew that one day, all of it will definitely go away. whether i want it to or not. but i'm growing, and slowly i'm understanding everything.

i lost track of the amount of friends i've lost because either they changed or i changed or we just grew apart like normal people. there's always something in the air when you lose a friend, like a stale smell of some kind. it never means anything good.

even through all of this, i know there will be the friends that will last longer in my life than anything else. so at the end of my day, i'll hold they're hands, look into their eyes and thank them for everything.

because that is exactly what friends are for.

Who is the most important person to you right now ?
Yana -.-

What is your favourite smell ?
roses and him

How do you feel ?
tired

Why do you feel the way you do ?
cause i spent the whole night doing the dumbest things

What do you want from life ?
something good to look back on

Who was the last person to call you ?
Mama

Why did they call you ?
she was too bloody malas to come out of her room and talk to me.

Who was the last person to text you ?
Mr Daniel Choo

What was the text ?
"i am thinking about you. you were beautiful when you smile." no idea whether he tersalah hantar or not.

Why did they send it to you ?
he was probably drunk or something.

Are you excited for something ?
not really.

Who is your best friend ?
Vee and Pei Wen. duhh ?

Who was the last person you hugged ?
Awaina and Rejaie. covered in cake -.-

Who was the last person that told you they love you ?
Choo and Tana :)

Who was the last person who told you they miss you ?
Vee, i think

Who was the last person you kissed ?
Vee, on the cheek !

Do you like them ?
no ! she forced me ! heheh what do you think ?

What were you doing at midnight last night ?
telling Choo that i couldn't believe it was only midnight.

When was the last time you laughed hard ?
just now, in the car with Awaina, Rejaie and Vee.

What was the first thing you thought when you woke up yesterday morning ?
"what in the hell is Loong doing ?"

Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day ?
i tend to keep it to myself.

Who do you think about most ?
got la some asshole.

When did you fall in love for the first time ?
thirteen.

Do you any phobias ? list them.
jellyfish, bees, sometimes height. and yeah.

What's your worst habit ?
biting my nails until i start bleeding.

best friends are seriously all i really need right now. and i've known this all along but now i'm quite sure that even if i'm never with anybody, i'm going to be very happy anyways. i mean, what's life without people to fuck it up with.

i honestly thank god everyday for everything he has ever given me and everything he will. so, so far life is pretty good for.

Tana and Choo took such good care of me. even though i didn't really need it, they still had my back. which is definitely why i absolutely love them so much. you can't possibly ask for more than that. Tana told me he loved me ! as a friend, of course. and i thought i was gonna start bawling or something cause Tana is never that affectionate.

Choo and i talked about what we were both going through then he held my face and told me something that i'll remember for the rest of my life and i know he will too.

i am an extremely lucky girl and hopefully i don't forget that. oh yeah, i'm back. not quite there yet but i'm home.

Mak went to school with me for kebudayaan. but before that we went to see Miss Ong to get my report card. it was eye-opening. i've always known Ong was a real teacher but it was cool to see her joke and smile. weirrrd.

she said i'm an intelligent girl and that she sees that i've been putting in more effort this year. and at that point i was already literally just jumping out of my skin. even Mak said it too. which felt good.

i can't believe i still have around 8 more months to go for SPM then prom. i wanna die ! this year is passing by way too slowly for me. form 4 was the same. but i know at the end of this year i'll think my whole school years passed by real quick. i guess i just need something to look forward to in every month then it'll be easier.

i need to look up for gigs lah. any suggestions ?

i totally forgot about it.

lately i haven't been going to safa a lot. i just hang out there whenever i have tuition or something. my spirits don't really allow me to have any fun but i think i've been getting better.

last Wednesday i went to McD's with Choo and all. we hung out there and i met Lily and all there too. we just sat and talked. like the good old days. and as usual i was the only girl there. but we made the best of it and had tons of fun. after that Choo and Lum came back to my place and we hung out even more and they got stupid outside my house but we still had fun.

then last Friday i went to safa after tuition. i really wanted to sleepover Vee's house but papa tak bagi so i had to deal. then Chai, Andra, Lum, and Ilya came, so we hung out with them. Choo was supposed to come but he was tired.

finally had to go home but i told em to come over to the house and they did, real late ! but still it was great. i had so much fun. we were just hanging around my living room talking about the dumbest things and watching the weirdest things off of Lum's phone. Andra's so cute when he sleeps and Ilya can be rather hyper when he has to.

these boys really knew how to make my week and i absolutely love them for it.