i thought i was dreaming when i heard them talk about him. there wasn't panic in their voices, just urgency so i just stayed in there. between sleep and consciousness, listening to them talk it out and then she got up, got ready and left.

i didn't understand until i felt Yana shake me real hard. i kept pushing her away. in some weird way, i knew what was coming so my head didn't want my heart to wake up and find out. but Yana shook me hard and

"Tok Wan flat lined", was all that she said.

i just kept repeating that i had an exam. as if this was all a dream and i thought that everybody was just messing with me. i didn't wanna accept it. i didn't wanna wake up to that awful feeling.

but they made me and i quickly got dressed. it was 2 in the morning when we left for the hospital.when we got there he was already being taken out and she was there standing right there watching everything and the moment i stepped foot in that room i knew it. so i went over and held her tight as she cried.

i left this body a while ago. but had to come back. i didn't cry. i don't think i will but what am i to do ? this is that weird feeling after all. knowing their gone but still thinking their only a phone call away.

"Tok Wan, Leysha mintak maaf eh ? i'll miss you, Tok. i hope you didn't suffer as much as we thought you did. i'll always love you forever. you are after all my only granddaddy. i'll never forget those mornings where i'd wake up early just to have breakfast with you. you were right Tok. even though Tok Aling selalu marah you. she does love you, so much. i love you Tok."