because every being in me wants you just not right now.

my heart's doing that thing again, where it beats real fast and uncontrollably out of nowhere and for absolutely no reason what-so-ever. still, i have no idea why and i won't ever find out, knowing myself.

studies are coming along fine other than the usual drama, so is my life. so far, so good i guess. i'm holding up and you're holding me up. this isn't a pedestal to you so maybe we can play around in this playground for a while until one of us decides it's time to go home.

he's asking a lot of questions now. like he doesn't know what's playing around in my head. i wish he would answer my simple questions and give me the satisfaction. i don't ask for much anymore, never have actually. so why the trouble ? i know he doesn't like my questions but they're the only ones i've been asking these past few months.

i told him to leave but he doesn't want to so i guess that's good. but maybe it isn't. i've never been too sure myself. he's changed. oddly enough, i've only realised this only lately. so why now ? why the sudden change of heart ?

i don't know why i bother,