because in the likes of Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen, you're gonna cut me open with a kitchen knife.

got back from Penang this morning. watched Skins on the way home, listening to Yana show me the things i have in common with Effy. she has been insisting and last night she finally showed me. i still don't see it but Yana insists so imma let her enjoy that.

spent most of the days in our apartment and swimming but on the first night, i got what i wanted. the soft sand and the rough waters. before dinner Yana and i took a walk down to the beach and i just spent the whole time just playing with the water. i guess to me, that was the sign that i was finally home.

something happened when i was in Penang and i finally let go. i'm not quite sure what it was but it did the trick and the weird thing was i finally let go. maybe not completely or how i would have wanted it to be but i did it and i'm happier now.

i went to my grandparents house and it was easier than i thought but still painful. it was like the moment i stepped in i saw my memories running through the hallway. i sat in the garden for a while and just thought about everything and everyone. Raya will be here soon and we won't be celebrating much.

but i know my family and we'll make it, we're strong and as long as we have each other, we'll be just fine. odd as it is, we will. even if we don't know it yet.