because you need to see my heart, my tear, my thought.

i'm the weird one, i'm the freak. i'm the one people chase away because they fear the very thought of me. can't do much to fight it. you can't pretend to like me if you don't, i won't let you. i'm awkward and painful and so terribly honest it even hurts me.

went to Penang for Raya which was good. my whole family was there, even the pretty babies. but being there made me think, i can't possibly let you do this to me anymore. so i made up my mind. finally, i did it.

my brains a muck trying to think of better things. trying to convince myself that this isn't it. that there's more to me than this. i read Virginia Woolf lately, and i felt like i finally found a writer i can embrace. her stories, short or long, always seem to be as if she's trying to say something but she can't, kinda like how i feel.

i have too many to take care of. i have to be stable enough to live my life. or this would all just fall to the ground and i won't be able to pick up the ashes. i've been bonding with the sisters a lot now. it feels really good. to know that there are people there for me that i can rely on. who will never leave.

but this battle seems to grow so much bigger everyday. i need to get rid of it. i need to leave it behind. i need to release myself. i need to replenish myself. i need to leave.