because this is all there is to it, to me.

wow, it's been a pretty long time since i actually updated here huh ? i didn't realise the days passing and all my time wasted. so yeah, trials are over and SPM is in less than a month and i am officially shitting myself. been studying but i know i should start studying more. so maybe i will.

everything has been pretty dull other than the usual gossip and drama. something my life is never without. the boys, the girls and their painful words. they just annoy me now, i don't even give a fuck anymore. it's always the same damned story all over again but i just gotta know, why ? when everything is finally working out well, why do you just pop out of nowhere and feed me this bullshit.

if this works out for the last time, then we'll always know that there is nothing that could possibly come between us but i know something is gonna come up and it'll just ruin us. maybe it's the other people or the distance in a few years but i am honestly trying. i just wish you were too.

you know, i think at one point i might have fallen in love with him if i had ever let myself. but i was just being me and pulled away when everybody told me to do otherwise. i guess i wasn't just about ready to handle that and neither did he but it was nice having someone who appreciated me and made me smile all because he could.

i read somewhere that we would have been magic. but i guess i didn't want that just yet but if it was meant to be then, in a few years, it would make sense. i'm sorry for not trying but we're no different. i think on some level we knew but now, we're done. i'll forever love your smile and the way you look at me. i might not love you, but i do care.

so i'll remember the way we danced, the way you held my hand, the way the peck made my stomach fill with butterflies, the way you called me baby, the way you blush and my favourite one of all, the way you accepted me, like nobody else ever could.