and i fell down and out wishing we would finally be able to do this.

but i'm sorry i didn't cope with it properly. i just got so tired of all the pity people were throwing at me. i'm sorry for telling my friends how i felt when i needed a hug or somebody to cheer me up. i'm sorry i couldn't believe my eyes when i saw her. she's pretty and sweet. so don't hurt her like you hurt me. don't let that ego of yours run that relationship.

i had the worst day and my friends were there by my side making me smile and laugh. it was nice to know that even if i am lonely, i'm not alone. and watching the way they took care of me put tears into my eyes and it felt good to know that i was being taken care of.

they told me to be strong and slowly i'll move on. but what if i don't want to be strong anymore ? what if i just want to break down and eat shit loads of chocolate ? that was what i wanted to do all day. i just wanted to crawl into a hole and only leave when the light finally shone through. but that wouldn't be me, would it ?

i guess i'm tired of always being happy and optimistic. i might look and sound emo, but my optimism could kill you. and now what do i do ? i don't want to be optimistic. i just want to be able to cry it out and be depressed. but i'm unable of such sort. i'm still as optimistic as hell.

because i know, college will be starting soon and i still have my whole life ahead of me. and this year, i'm finally 18. i can do some of the things i've always wanted to do. and i'll do it. i'll do it with passion and hope for the next day because that's just who i am.

but it does hurt. but i'm done being all angry and such. God, i'm gonna miss you but it is getting easier because i can't seem to remember our memories anymore. i seem to be forgetting more and more of it, day by day. besides, you're still a child. and i'll just have to wait until we both grow up to be friends. i just wish it didn't happen like that. i just wish it didn't hurt like this. because when i said i would've done anything for us, i meant it. i guess you didn't.

there i just said it, i'm scared you'll forget about me.