I guess I don't seem like much.

I realised how much things have changed lately and I don't really like it. Change is good, they say but I just don't see it. It makes me uncomfortable and weird inside. It feels so weird, knowing I might be losing so much in so little time. It's like those times when you were a kid and all you wanted to do was grow up but now, all I wanna do is crawl into a hole and never forget.

It's weird. I wait the whole day for a call, but it never comes. They say something one day, but say another the very next and all I can do is just sit there and wonder, did I do something wrong ? I feel us drifting apart and I can't stand the thought. I can't stand the idea that maybe someday, we'd all just be strangers. Only saying hi when we bump into each other and never think about each other after that.

Maybe we are growing up but I didn't think it was necessary for all of us to grow apart. You don't even call and by the time I do, you're already somewhere else. Maybe I don't try as hard as the rest but it seems like neither do you.

You blame me for the tiniest things and I just sit back and listen. All your reasons sound so used up. I guess you could never go wrong. What am I saying ? You could never go wrong. I just wish I didn't either. I just miss everything we had. The three of us. The eight of us. That special bond that kept us so close together. Seems like it's just fading away now.

Sometimes you wished someone would do anything for you because that's what you would do for them. But i guess being second choice is the best I've got right now and I won't complain. I'm too tired anyways.

Because I know who you are and you know me.

It was almost like we planned it the day before. It was special and we didn't even know what was going on. I uttered the very words i was afraid to hear. I stared deep into your eyes and there you were, begging me to tell you. And when i told you how i felt, you pulled me in close and whispered in my ear how you felt. And that was it. That was all there was to it.

Then you asked if you could keep me and i didn't reply straight away. I just lied there, staring into your eyes, wondering how that would change us, if it would change us. and i admit, it did scare me a little to think that maybe in the future, i won't even recognize you. those thoughts plagued my mind and i kept quite until you asked me again. after longer than we expected, i agreed. i was finally yours, and you, mine. so we closed our eyes and lied down. lying there, i just kept asking myself, how surreal it was.

we started out calling each other out on our flaws, but now, we love each other for it. we used to walk around, making fun of each other. we still do now, we just hold hands when we're doing it. even if we don't last long. i'll write stories about you so you'll know how special you were to me. i'll play your song and remember you.

i can't seem to put a finger on exactly what this feeling is but i am enjoying.

so many things went down recently and it's pretty interesting how my life has changed so drastically in a mere week. i started college, went to a concert, made new friends, and even gained a new reasoning.

so college started and i met so many new interesting people, including Aubrey, Inez, Johann and Darren. being in Performing Arts, we are somewhat special. we seem to be the glow in the college. we're all so loud and open. and the funny thing is, we all clicked so well by the first week. which was real interesting.

now it feels like if anybody else were to join us, it would break us but i doubt it. besides, the more, the merrier, right ? the classes are a lot of fun and very intense. my assignments aren't very difficult, yet. so Alhamdulillah.

went to the MGMT concert with the gang and it had to be one of the best. but then, it is a concert and i do love live music. i kept calling Yana and Dee to let them listen to the songs but it was so extremely epic. i don't think i even blinked. just kidding, of course i blinked. i am not a fish.

i think the Penang trip made us all so much closer. we even compared all of us to the X-Men. which is scarily accurate and of course, i am Jean Grey. this is due to my ability of reading people and also due to the fact that i have an evil side, Phoenix. Vee is Storm. Ali is Wolverine. Joey is Cyclops. Pei Wen is Mystique. Bryan is Iceman. Harith is Night Crawler and Ariff is Colossus.

you guys might think this is all some kiddie bullshit but we're loving it. all we ever needed was our imagination and each other. we might lose all of this, sooner or later but for now, we're still here and we're having the time of our lives.