Can I cry just a little more ? Would it be alright for me to fall apart, just for a day or so. I have no idea what's going on in my head sometimes. I start to think too much and then, there are times I just go blank. My head goes empty and my emotions fade away.

I need you so much more than you need me and I realise this but it doesn't mean that you don't need me, right ? I feel so lonely still. It's almost as if I walk alone in a world full of eyes just staring down at me, judging every step I take, watching all my mistakes then using them against me, breaking me down.

I'm afraid to go to sleep. I keep having nightmares and they're really not very funny. They feel so real and they seem to take the breath out of me so when I wake up, I feel like I never did sleep. I just feel even more tired.

I wanna be able to fall apart but I can't. With everything going on, I haven't been able to really get a hold of myself. I've had to hide everything this whole time and for once, I just wanna fall apart properly. Is that bad ? Would it be too selfish of me, to want this one self-destroying thing for myself because I don't think I'll be able to survive any longer if I don't do anything about it.

I just wanna fall apart. There won't be any need to put me back together, I'll be too far over the edge.